Diary of an Ascending Addict

I know what my inner child hates, she hates despair, listlessness, apathy, being embarrassed and being lost without aim. She loves playfulness, silliness and uttering little funny sounds, daydreaming, nature and fun.

But what she particularly abhors is injustice, cruelty and self-sabotage. Kids do NOT self-sabotage.

I think the part of me that was the saddest, the most horrified to the core and divinely outraged about Gaza, is her. Gaza was a real turning point. For humanity and for me as an individual, for my inner child but also for my shadow.

I did a mental comparison between my shadow and Netahyahu and I feel lile need to apologize to my shadow. My shadow is triggered by this man and all the men, and women, he represents in this world. This malevolent, hateful global clique always manipulating, gas lightning, warmongering to ascertain their sick power over others. And these are only the ones we see. Some others, even nastier, we have never seen or recognized yet.

My shadow is traumatized, it’s cynical and masochistic. It’s cowardly and dense. But it’s not a genocidal maniac. It can go far in self-hatred, self-torture, very far. But it’s aimed at the self – which is just as bad because what we do to ourselves, we do to others. We are one in the most precise sense. However, the shadow comes from a place of delusion, ignorance, and unconsciousness of the light. It’s a shadow after all.

So must be these people/entities/energies, so lost in their own shadows, so dense in their frequencies that the light is unable to penetrate.

But Darkness is not evil. Darkness is just the polar opposite of light. Its counterpart.

Evil is something else. Evil is a conscious choice, that’s been reiterated over and over again. To go against life. To delight in other people’s pain. Evil is Live, written backwards. I read that in the most fascinating book, I forget the title right now. I’ll find it and make sure to quote it.