Diary of an Ascending Addict

Humor is back, always a good sign that the last boiling point has subsided. When I have to dig real, real deep that’s what I usually find, my sense of humor. And my inner child. Course.

All day long, thoughts of drinking, because why not, I’m someone who enjoys it. Running errands. Walking IO. Come as you are, one of the first sentences I heard back in 2014, when I first discovered Metatron and Matt Kahn. When I was seeing 11:11 everywhere, prompting me to search for meaning. 4 words that resonated like thunder in my soul, ringing the bell for the beginning of this journey. Making everything possible.

That’s who I am after all, not a health freak, not a sad addict, although sometimes I clearly am.

Maybe I can handle it different now,? I know that’s bullshit. Truth is I don’t even really want to drink, it’s just a program going on a loop in my brain, which feels more and more like what it is: an outdated software needing to be uninstalled.

I’ve been awakening and evolving in all kinds of ways. I need to feel my own energy now, without crotches, without interference. Unadulterated.

I’ll never know this feeling if I quit before three months. And so I’ve decided that, whatever happens, I’ll wait for at least 3 months. Maybe then the program would’ve let up. Maybe then I’d have so much momentum behind me that it’ll take me straight to the next level.

I feel that’s my guidance and I’m trying my hardest to follow it. I’ve deadlines right now, they’re really taking my mind off things and helping with money, which is always good.

So, another day on my gorgeous Gaia.

The next step is having a better routine. Discipline and I never got along.

Maybe try having fun with it, a hard concept to grasp these days.